i really want to write in this thing. does that make me lame? i hope so.
lately i feel like i’ve been lost, then found again. even though things have been better in the past, they have also been far, far worse. i’m starting to realize that even though i probably have to worst luck in the world, i really do have a fantastic life that i am not grateful for enough. i’m staring at a picture right now and thinking about all the dumb mistakes i’ve made. letting some people go too soon, holding on to some for too long, and not believing in myself. well, thats all about to change. i’m starting a new life style of just doing what i want, and not being concerned with what other people think. all thought that is very hard for me, and that is evident in my eating habits(surprise! to those of you who don’t know), i hope i can do it. life really is too short. and i’m about to quote some lyrics, because thats what i do best:
“take your hesitance, and your self defense, and leave them behind. it’s only life. don’t be so afraid of facing everyday. just take your time, its only life. i’ll be your stepping stone. don’t be so alone. just hold on tight, its only life.”
i have two stepping stones–dana carrie kimzey and mallory christine shelton. without these two, i would fall off the face of the planet and i would not be as brave as i am going to try to be.
i love you two with all my heart, and don’t need anyone else in my life but you two and my dog. 🙂
i feel the need to write.
so six years a go today, my gma died. ever since then, especially when my other gma died, my life has been full of ups and downs, mostly ups. so every year on this day for the past 3 years, i’ve made a list of my accomplishments. accomplishments i would share with my grandmothers if they were still with me. with everyday that passes, i wish they were here just to see how far i’ve come from my 9 year old self. i want to know more than anything if they are proud of the person i have and am becoming. so here are my accomplishments. since i can’t share them with my gmas, i’ll share them with you.
4th grade–discovered my extreme passion and love for music, all kinds of it.
6th grade–started the long road called middle school.
7th grade–wrote and “recorded” first song, started playing guitar.
7th grade–knew what i wanted to do with my life.
8th grade–“graduated” from middle school, got my heart broken, and got over it.
8th grade–admitted my problems, started working on them.
8th grade–realized who my true friends were.
8th grade–discovered that i really am all i’ll ever need, and i dont need to prove anything to anyone.
8th grade–THREE MONTHS
9th grade–started high school.
it may seem like “wow, these are her so called accomplishments?” but every single one of these has a huge impact on my life. i wish i could share these with two of the most important women in my life, but i cant. so here they are. my life accomplishments so far. not many, and they may not seem important to you, but two me, they have helped make me the person i am today. and if you dont like that person, who cares? i like who i am, and i hope my gmas do too.
i miss you more than anyone. i love you.
no one reads this anymore, so i’m just gonna say one thing.
I CAN THINK OF ONE PERSON RIGHT NOW WHO IS THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THE WORLD.
NO ONE LIKES HER, AND I HOPE SHE FUCKING DIES. SHE IS SO FAKE AND SHE GETS ON
ME ALL THE TIME ABOUT BEING A “DRAMA QUEEN”. BULL FUCKING SHIT BITCH.
and the only thing thats keeping me from saying this is it would be one awkward 5th hour
if she read it. but i’m pretty sure everyone else knows who i’m talking about because you
feel the same way, i’m sure.
she is such a fucking HYPOCRITE, and she knows it.
so rot in hell bitch and fuck your fucking party.
ugh. i’m SOO over xanga. myspace is 48975341897634897643978 times better.
peace out xanga. its been fun :]
bleh. i hate this.
have you ever loved someone so much, they’ve never known it, and you cant tell them because it would ruin everything else?
you just want to tell them, but you know you cant because it just wasnt meant to be? AGGGH. i hate love.
ps. dont ask me who it is, because i wont tell you. no matter who you are.
OMG today was sooo fun.
i woke up at like, 8 to go to the park with zack and tawnya. yeah…boring. so we came back, and tawnya and i watched rent it was pretty good, but there is like, a TON of singing. bleh. then we ordered goodcents and played sorry. it was fun. then i went home, ran, showered, cleaned my room&bathroom and then me, megan, kelly, and dana went to the mills. first we picked out our dresses for the 8th grade dance GO PEOPLE!. god we are all sooo salaaacious. you folks better go, because i dont want to buy that dress for nothing. bleh. so then we went to stores [duh] and shopped. funnn. so yeah, our legs felt like they were going to fall off so we left. then megan’s mom dropped us off at steak ‘n’ shake. MORE FUN THAN THE MALL! let me tell you. it was soo funny. i cant wait for kelly’s ‘twister’ movie. haha lmao. then we walked from steak ‘n’ shake to megans and we modeled our dresses for kelly’s mom and dad and megan’s mom. wooo, we’re hot. seriously. anyhoo, then we went and jumped on megan’s trampoline. and the dog jumped on there. and we were talking about how amazing gravity is and what not. yeah..thats deep. so then we all went home. and here i am. writing this to you, as if you care. yeah.
dont know what i’m doing tomorrow. hopefully hanging out with ashley and mallory because i didnt see them today, and i havent seen ashley in like, a whole effing week. god.
i miss mallory and ashley! wish you guys were with us!!!
i feel like updating. yessir.
so that dance is coming up. everyone go to the 8th grade dance it wont be lame, unlike every other dance. it’ll be fun, promise. and if you dont have fun..well i dont need to finish this sentence because i know you will have fun! WOOT.
i kinda want someone to ask me to the dance, but i’m afraid if i wait for someone to ask me, then it wont happen. but i’m also afraid if i ask someone, they will say no. maybe i will just cross my fingers and hope. pssh. yeah, right.
another issue is who would i ask? i have no idea. it depends on who’s gonna go i guess. i really dont know who to ask, or who i want to ask me.
i atleast know what dress i want. its BEAUTIOUS, just like
me mmhm. how do you like them apples?
dont know what my plans are for this weekend. maybe shopping for that dress. cant wait to actually wear it. :]
leave me comments,please :]